Monday, May 7, 2012

Letters to the Little One

Dear Baby,

Last night Daddy and I heard your heart beat for the first time. I had been anticipating this moment since I knew you were on your way. Counting the days, hours, minutes. In fact the first time we went to the Drs to check on you, I had to stop my self from grabbing the doppler off the desk and trying to catch one beat of your tiny heart. I am glad I didn't, I probably wouldn't have been able to hear it anyway.

But back to last night, it was sort of anti climatic. But magical all the same. For some reason I had a bad case of the giggles. Thinking about it later, I think the giggles were just nervous energy. You see there was a time when I really thought I would be single forever. Your father and I didn't meet until I was 30, most of our friends were on their 2nd or 3rd kid by that time. He was worth the wait. But as these moments, that I was so convinced would never happen for me: meeting the love of my life, getting engaged, trying on wedding dresses, saying our vows, just seem to make me crack up. So inappropriate I know, get used to it, I am sure it's not stopping any time soon.

But I laid down on the table, and the Dr squirted some jelly on me and started searching for you. This is when it began. The giggles. The silent, so untimely, giggle fits. You father refused to look at me, knowing that he would make it worse. This made me a little sad; in my mind I pictured us holding hands crying tears of joy as we heard the little "whoosh- whoosh" of your life. Instead Dad resolutely looked in the other direction, while I giggled like a school girl. Sigh. After two giggle fits, the Dr was kind of running out of patience, she exclaimed - "I won't be able to hear it if you keep doing that". Message received.

I held my breath. And then, faintly I heard you. It was just a passing "whoosh" at first, and then she settled on it. It was fast, 150 bpm , which is a normal good rate. But faster than I thought it would be. She listened to it for a while, while I tried to burn this memory into my brain. So I could tell you later, I remember when...

Then it was over, silent again as she cleaned up the jell. Oh how sweet that little sound was. How happy Daddy and I were. How REAL it all of a sudden seemed.

We love you Little One. Keep growing!
Love, Mommy

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